Why last week was a bit of a shit show

Last week was a bit of a shit show in my tiny corner of the world, to be honest.

I had a 4-day migraine (second one this month… perimenopause, the gift that just keeps on giving 🙃).

I powered through the first few days and did what I’ve done a hundred times before. I opened my diary and started cancelling my life. Scaling back plans, cutting out the “non-essentials” (read: friendships, joy, fun, anything that actually nourishes me) =, just so I could keep the wheels on and show up for the people who were relying on me.

Completely the wrong way round! And still my first instinct.

Because when things get hard, I don’t reach out. I double down. I try harder to be more efficient and hold it all together.

But by Thursday, I was lying on the sofa, completely wiped out. Not just tired, but that deep, soul-level exhaustion where you feel a bit… done. I remember thinking, how on earth am I meant to keep all of this going?

And then, right on cue, my mind helpfully stepped in.

“I’m not cut out for this.”“I can’t run a business AND have a full life.”“I’ll have to get a job.”

"And I should probably stop making plans altogether.”

Within minutes, I’d catastrophised my way to no friends, no money, and a fairly bleak future (with a small bungalow and a few cats thrown in for good measure).

It escalated quickly people!

But underneath all of that was something much more familiar: it’s too much, II’m on my own with this and no one can really help.

Because somewhere along the way, I learned that holding it together meant being good, and getting it right, meant being safe. So asking for help? That never really fit with who I thought I had to be.

And if I’m really honest, there’s another layer. I think part of me quietly expects people to just… know. To notice how much I’m holding, and step in without me having to say anything.

And when they don’t? That’s where the resentment creeps in. That low-level “why am I the one doing all of this?” While at the same time not really letting anyone see how overwhelmed I actually am.

It’s a strange little system, that is GUARANTEED to keep me stuck in that place of being capable on the outside, and quietly exhausted on the inside.

And the cost of all of that is high.

It’s the exhaustion, obviously. But also the loneliness - that feeling of carrying everything on your own, even when you’re surrounded by people.

And the bit that always gets me, is the misalignment. Knowing what I believe, I coach + teach. And then watching myself do the opposite.

Ouch, that one stings.

Anyway, this time I caught it a bit sooner.

And instead of trying to manage my way through it, I reached out.  Not for migraine solutions (oh lord, I’ve had plenty of those), but for someone to sit with me in it, gently help me lower the bar back down to something vaguely human.

They even took a few practical things off my hands, which meant the world. Not because I can’t do it, but because it gave me a real, felt sense - I don’t have to do it all on my own.

Nothing changed about the migraine. But I did feel less alone, a bit more seen, right in the middle of my messy, human-ness. It can be uncomfortable, and a huge relief.

And I’m realising I’m still learning this. Or maybe unlearning is the better word.

So if any of this feels familiar, just notice.

Where are you quietly holding everything on your own?Where have you stopped asking and told yourself this is just how it is?

No fixing anything right now, just noticing.

Because the moment you see it… something shifts.

And that’s usually where things begin.

In the weeds with you on this growth edge,

Deborah 💛

P.S. If this brought up that familiar heady mix of overwhelm and loneliness, I see you. If you want to share where that’s showing up for you, my inbox is always open. I really do read every message.

P.P.S. And to my migraine solidarity sisters, I love you, and I feel you. And with so much love, please don’t send tips 😄 I’ve been deep in that rabbit hole for years. I’m good.