A RANT…turned into a rallying cry.

I’ve been wrestling with this for a while.

I talk a lot about creating a life that feels more like yours. More joy, more aliveness, more YOU!

And I mean it. Life is short, and precious, and I don’t want us getting to the end of ours having been terribly responsible but not very alive.

Then I look at the world right now and think “Really, Deborah?

Wars, mad people doing mad things. Financial pressure, political and social division. The planet, this beautiful planet. And the bloody news.

Seriously, is “have more of what you love in your life” really what I want to be talking about?

And I keep coming back to the same answer.

YES! And here’s why.

Because the women I work with aren't oblivious to what's happening in the world. Good God, no!

They're smart, socially conscious and care deeply.

They're raising children, supporting ageing parents, running businesses, teaching, leading, caring, volunteering, campaigning, holding families and communities together.

They're paying attention. AND quite a lot of them are bloody exhausted.

My loves, its true - we have INIFINTE love and care.

But we have finite capacity. Finite time. Finite attention. Finite emotional energy.

And I think one of the biggest lies we live by is that it ALL matters.

It doesn't and it can’t.

Some things matter deeply and some things matter less. Some burdens we gladly choose, and some things aren't ours to carry at all. Part of the work is learning the difference.

I see women pouring extraordinary amounts of themselves into places where, quite frankly, it is not their goddamn job.

Managing other people's feelings, keeping everybody happy. Trying to prevent disappointment, taking way too much responsibility for relationships that require two people.

Thinking for folks who are perfectly capable of thinking for themselves. Replaying a conversation for three days because somebody might have misunderstood them.

Stepping in. Smoothing over. Anticipating. Fixing. Trying to get somebody else to change so that they can finally be okay.

It's exhausting. And it doesn't leave much room for the things that really matter to us - our health, our creativity, our relationships, our communities. The work we care about. The things happening in the world that we genuinely want to put our shoulder behind. Our joy, our one actual PRECIOUS life.

So when I talk about nourishing ourselves, I don't mean bubble baths and pretending the difficult stuff isn't happening.

I mean stop pouring yourself endlessly into places that aren't yours to carry. The discernment is the work.

Rest my love. Eat properly. Move your body. Go somewhere beautiful. Make something you love. Spend time with people who you feel completely yourself around. Have an afternoon in which nobody needs anything from you.

Resource yourself and then ask: With the energy I have now, what do I want to give myself to?

Not: what can I possibly squeeze in after everyone else has had their share of me?

That's the bit I'm increasingly interested in. Not conserving all our energy just for ourselves, but RECLAIMING it so we can spend it more deliberately.

On our own lives, yes. And on the people, places, work and causes that genuinely matter to us.

I don't think the world needs more exhausted women sacrificing themselves on the altar of everyone else's needs, expectations and opinions - to prove they’re 'good' women.

But I also don’t think the answer is to disappear into self-care. To make our worlds smaller and smaller until the only question left is whether something feels good for me.

I want something else.

I want more women who are resourced enough, awake enough and self-trusting enough to participate.

Women who can hear themselves and trust themselves. Who know what matters to them.

Who can say “No. I don't agree. That's not okay with me. I'm not participating in that. This matters enough for me to act.”

Women who don't need everyone around them to approve or agree when they speak.

Who can say I was wrong. I've changed my mind.

Who can be frightened and do something anyway.

Who can let somebody be disappointed without immediately twisting themselves into a more acceptable shape.

And yes. I want those same women to take the afternoon off, go walking, paint the bloody picture. Book the train somewhere they've never been, sit in a café for far too long. Fall in love. Dance. Rest. Laugh so hard they pee a little. Want things simply because they want them.

I don't think we have to CHOOSE - between caring for ourselves and giving a damn about the world.

Between pleasure and purpose.

Between a life that brings us joy, and a life that means something.

Between being fully ourselves and being part of something bigger than ourselves.

Actually, I whole-heartedly believe they're connected.

Because when a woman learns to hear herself, trust what she hears and act, something else becomes possible.

She doesn't just become better at choosing how she spends her Sunday afternoon.

She becomes harder to SILENCE. Harder to persuade out of what she knows simply because somebody else doesn't like it.

She's less willing to go along with something simply because speaking up would make things uncomfortable.

More able to stay present when things get messy. More willing to ask: What do I actually think? What matters here? What is mine to do? Am I REALLY ok with this?

That's a BIG part of what Living Whole means to me. Maybe more than I've said out loud before.

It's not about creating some lovely little life where nothing hurts and everyone leaves you alone. Although honestly, some days that sounds bloody marvellous.!

But I want more for us than that.

It's about becoming more available to your life. All of it. The beauty and the heartbreak. The afternoon meandering around somewhere new and the moment you have to stand your ground and say “No. This isn't okay.”

The things that delight you and the things you can no longer look away from.

Your own precious life.

AND this messy, frightening, extraordinary world we're living it in.

I want women who are awake for both.

THAT's the kind of wholeness I'm interested in.

💛

(Rant over, phew! thanks for listening)