Virgin Island - we need to discuss 😳

Ok, I’m obsessed with this TV Show "Virgin Island"!  I'd heard about it, but didn't feel particulary drawn to watching people practicing sex moves, until a therapist friend said 'through a personal growth lens, you'd love it!',  And I've been ‘all in’ ever since.

Not because it’s on the edge of toe-curling discomfort (we are British, afterall!), but because it affirms my relentless belief and hope in the power of transformation.

What struck me most wasn’t the awkwardness or vulnerability of it all… it was watching these gorgeous people slowly realise “Oh. Maybe there’s not something fundamentally wrong with me after all. And not only that, maybe I'm not as stuck or hopeless as I thought I was."

So often in our lives, we can quietly resign ourselves to: “This is just who I am now.” Especially in midlife! And underneath that, there's the secret, knarly fears “What if I’ve wasted my life?”

“What if I’m too late?”

“What if I leave (or stay!) and regret it?”

“What if I’m the problem?” 

But again and again, I’ve watched women do things they were convinced they could never do. Speak honestly, set boundaries, leave, stay differently, start over and feel joy again. I’ve watched them become more honest, alive and more themselves than they ever thought was possible.

There’s a version of you, you haven’t met yet. Doesn’t that just blow your mind! Aren’t you curious to discover who she is and what she’s like?

Here’s what the show made me reflect on, that I find just incredible !

The things we’re deeply ashamed and afraid of tend to live in silence.

The marriage we secretly know isn’t working and the loneliness we feel deep down.

The job we hate but feel too afraid to leave, and the fear we’ve left it too late,

Or the belief that everyone else somehow got the handbook for life that we missed. 

These things hide in the deep corners of our lives, feeding on isolation and secrecy. And they have the power to keep us stuck – often in great pain + loneliness for years. Being in a group and talking about these things openly is pure medicine and a powerful first step in creating meaningful change.

When you realise you’re not the only one, that we all struggle with one thing or another AND there’s a way through – this is pure alchemy.  

We all have a comfort zone we’re convinced we can’t move past, with pretty compelling evidence to boot. But when you stand at the edge of that discomfort, with someone or a group offering you loving support, skills and encouragement  - something starts to shift. You realise maybe you’re capable of more honesty, courage and change than you thought.

Transformation rarely looks dramatic at first. It looks like someone finally telling the truth, or staying with yourself when someone is upset by your yes or no. It’s trusting yourself a little more to handle things - whether things go to plan or not.

I’m over halfway through leading a group coaching program, and here’s what the women in the group shared with me last week

“I’ve stopped circling and started moving. I’m actually doing the things I say matter to me!”

“I realised how much energy I was spending avoiding things.”“I trust myself more than I did when I started.”

“I can catch my patterns much earlier now. I don’t spiral for as long anymore.”“The group helped me realise I wasn’t the only one struggling with this.”

I’ve spent over 20 years sitting in rooms watching women transform. Not because they had all the answers or were suddenly “fixed”. But because they finally stopped hiding. And because someone walked beside them and stayed with them long enough for something new to become possible.

Shame thrives in secrecy. Which is why so many women stay stuck for years, quietly believing: “It’s just me.” And then they sit in a room and realise, oh, we’re all scared. We’re all human and we’re all trying.

Honestly, I think that’s why I love this work so much.

Watching people discover there’s nothing wrong with them - they'rejust being human. And are often far more capable, lovable and brave than they’ve ever allowed themselves to believe.

There’s something sacred about watching someone become more themselves in real time. I never get tired of it. 

Sending relentless hope, from my human, to yours

Deborah 💛