Stuck Between ‘Not Yet’ and ‘Too Late’?
- deborahberrymanyog
- Oct 19
- 3 min read
Dear patient one, waiting in the wings,
You know that knot-in-your-stomach feeling when something’s off, but you tell yourself, ‘Can’t deal with this yet… but soon’. Yep, I made an art form out of that.
My go-to was always ‘Not yet… wait til after this busy season, the house move, Christmas’… you know the list.
But there’s always a next thing, isn’t there?
My ability to ignore an issue or pretend it’s not a big deal, has been pretty remarkable! And when that fails, I’d just add a dash of magical thinking and hope the problem just, 'poof'....vanishes. It’s quite a skill!
And here’s the BEAUTIFUL bind. When we finally decide it’s time to do something, fear whispers “it’s too late now” – too late to start again, to change lanes, to work this out, to start or stop, to say something, to want something different!
So here we are, my love – midlife warriors (worry-ers?), juggling too much and waiting for the perfect moment that never comes. Sigh.
Just this month, three women told me the same story - waiting years to fix what’s broken, now convinced it’s too late. This familiar paralysis truly breaks my heart.
So often we wait until we’re ready.
But truthfully, when we ever ready?
Try this: Write down something that’s been bugging you for a good while now. Be really, really honest with yourself - when did it start? The gut feeling? The irritation? Three months? Two years, 10 years?
You see my point 🙄
When I taught philosophy in Yoga Teacher Trainings, one sutra from Patanjali stayed with me: ‘Heyam dukham anagatam’ : future suffering is to be avoided. Reminding us we can’t change the past, but we can prevent future pain through conscious action now.
But there’s an ocean between knowing this and practicing this. We (I) can spend years in the loop of knowing better, but not doing better - mistaking clarity for change.
So I say this with love and mucho experience, epecially for those of us who've done all the trainings + therapy, read all the books and listened to all the podcasts:
insight without action just keeps us stuck.
Here’s some life lessons I’m living into, and you might find useful.
1. Stop waiting till you feel ready! We never feel ready. Readiness isn’t a feeling - it’s a choice. This is your life that’s passing you by my love.
2. Stop obsessing over the pain of acting - what if they don’t like it, what if they’re upset, what if it changes things, what if I make a mistake - get it wrong? All valid, but all short-term.
3. Instead, get real about the pain of not acting - What if things just stay the way they are? How much resentment will build? How much regret, or blame? What will it do to your relationships? Your health? Your soul?
4. Be fiercely committed to the truth and reality. Real peace - our mental health and wellness - requires a full commitment to dealing with reality i.e. This is how it is. This is who they are. This is who I am. This is what’s happening. This is what's working and not working. Now, what do I want to do about all of that?
Between reckless and cautious is a brave, joyful and meaningful life. Whatever you’ve been putting off, do it – take tiny, steps.
You don’t have to feel ready - just do it messy.
You don’t have to feel brave - do it scared.
You don’t have to get it right - just do your best.
Because beyond the fear and fallout is freedom, my friend - pure freedom to be fully you.
Wanting that for you, aaaand for the people we claim to love, but hide ourselves from (and secretly resent). Free them too, don’t they deserve it ?!
These days I still hesitate, but less. Waiting for the ‘right time’ was costing me the simple, contented and peaceful life I longed for. So I move sooner - scared, messy, but moving. Growth rarely feels cosy; but stagnation is agony in slow motion.
If this hits home and you’re tired of waiting, feel free to DM me and share your ‘Not yet’. I read every message, and I know how powerful simply saying it can be: the potent beginning of change.
Until then, sending you love (and a gentle nudge from one recovering avoider to another)
Deborah x
P.S. Two coaching spaces open in November - perfect if you’re done waiting and ready to move (messy, scared, or otherwise). Book a 30min call and let's see if coaching is the next right step for you
