Gratitude isn’t the same as feeling alive

As we step into this New Year, there’s often still a quieter, more inward quality to these first days after the Christmas break. Maybe you’re feeling that too.

I’ve always loved the in-between time – when the rush eases, the year is fresh, and there’s just enough space to notice what’s here before we rush to improve or change anything.

That pause is where my gratitude practice first took root. It's something I’ve done for over 25 years, diligently reflecting at the end of each day to harvest tiny pieces of gold.

Not because 'I'm just that kind of person' (apparently, they're out there). But because I need it to stay healthy, whole and well.

It’s become one of the most steadying, perspective-shifting practices of my life - helping me survive hard seasons, soften resentment, and remember what matters.

AND yet.....

Here’s the thing we don’t talk about enough, especially in the wellbeing world.

Being grateful is not the same as feeling fulfilled.And it’s definitely not the same as feeling alive.

For a long time (too long), whenever something in my life felt difficult, dull, or quietly off - even when I knew exactly what wasn’t working - I’d reach for this thought: “I should just be more grateful.”

It sounds wise. Mature even. And my personal favourite...Spiritually correct.

And it is. But it’s also incomplete.

Looking back, I can see how often that thought or pressure to 'just be more grateful' kept me in things far longer than was healthy – situations that no longer felt true, roles I’d outgrown, lives that looked fine from the outside but felt strangely airless on the inside.

Gratitude quietly became a way of overriding my own subtler signals of longing and postponing questions I didn’t yet know how to ask. This breaks my heart a little bit.

And here’s the part I really want you to hear, my love: this isn’t a personal failure. It’s a pattern see again and again in so many thoughtful, good-hearted and capable women.

Because we’re taught, often very subtly, that wanting more means we’re ungrateful. 

That if nothing is really wrong, we should settle down, adjust our attitude, and stop rocking the boat or asking awkward questions.

It's false, binary thinking, and it's one of the key reasons we can stay feeling stuck.

You can love your life, appreciate what you haveAND still want more from it.

Sometimes it’s not a clear dissatisfaction, just a quiet sense that you’re not quite at home in your own life, or that something in you is waiting for more space to breathe, be expressed, and come alive.

And sometimes it is crystal clear. You know what’s not working, or what you want more of, but you’re talking yourself out of what you already know. 

Because knowing can feel dangerous. Acknowledging it might mean you’d have to do something about it (which is also not true).

So you negotiate with yourself instead.You minimise. You delay. You tell yourself now isn’t the time.

(Just pause for a moment, and see if that lands anywhere.)

Longing for more or wanting to evolve in a way that makes you feel more alive doesn’t make you ungrateful, difficult, dramatic, or discontent, my sweet.It makes you honest, and deeply human. We’re meant to grow, evolve, and want different things in different seasons.

Even if the honesty is simply a felt sense right now, without words yet.

Longing with you, and it's truly ok.

Go gently out there and inside, and always with love, Deborah