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Putting the Cart before the Horse

 

It was all going so well. Every morning I meditated for 10 - 20 minutes. On days when I was in a rush, I made sure to squeeze in a shorter session later on. I took pride in showing up every day, making it to 10 days, then 30 and beyond. I told everyone how great meditation was once you built the habit, and even taught this in my classes and trainings.


I had it all together. I felt grounded and spacious, less reactive and weirdly like I had more time.



Then it all fell apart. Life took over (again) - long winter days made it harder, work was stressful, and I needed to make some big decisions about both work and my relationship which wore me down physically and mentally. Decisions have always been difficult for me. I can sometimes blow them out of proportion into all-encompassing, life-or-death choices.

This particular decision consumed my mind for months. I began waking up in the early hours of the morning, thoughts racing, unable to sleep and feeling constantly distracted.

 

As my thoughts became more chaotic, I found it harder to sit in silence. I’d focus on my breath or the sounds, only to find myself back in the same negative loops - planning, worrying, re-hashing. So instead of actually making a decision, I started skipping meditation sessions. Just a few at first, but soon I stopped doing any meditation at all. This was exactly the wrong thing to do. At the time I most needed mental clarity, I gave up my best chance at getting it - putting the cart before the horse.

 

If I couldn’t meditate every day, I thought, why bother doing it at all? For the next few months, I sweated over my (in)decision. I wrote pro and con lists, spoke with friends, slept on it, distracted myself. After a few months, I realised the only thing that was going to get me out of this rut was action. I needed to make a decision, whether it was the “right” thing or not. So I made the call, prioritised my mental health, and started to get my life back on track.

 

I’d like to say my decision magically made it easy for me to start meditating again. But it didn’t. My life was so destabilised that I had to build the habit from scratch. What was the best time of day to meditate? How long? Do I start from the beginning or pick up where I left off? It took a couple weeks before I found a schedule that worked for me, and got back on my 20-minutes-a-day routine.

 

Since then, my life has been IMMEASURABLY better for it. All of the benefits I felt before are not only back, but they've accumulated over time!

 

All this to say - I get it! I've been there many (MANY!) times. It's ok to fall off the wagon - we all do it. The trick is, don't stay off!!!

 

If this speaks to you, then join me for my 4wk Mindfulness Course to reconnect with and ignite your daily practice.


STARTS MONDAY 19th FEB @ 7.45pm


P.S. If you can't make the day or time, fear not: I'll share the recording with you - available for 30 days


See you along the road!

Go lightly, and always, ALWAYS with love

Deborah 💛 



 

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