Pay Good Money to Sit with Strangers

‘I feel really lonely.’

As I sat on a call this week, it just came spilling out of her - surprising even herself. We both paused in the tenderness of that confession, breathing together and letting her words hang between us like fragile glass. There was sorrow in them, yes - but also relief. Truth, finally spoken.

She’s a well-established yoga teacher. Surrounded by friends and community all the time. So how can this be true?

And yet, here it was. And I understood her completely. I’ve felt that same ache - so many times.

When you’re the one doing all the holding - the teacher, the mother, the healer, the fixer, the friend everyone leans on - who’s holding you?

Being in spaces where we feel fully seen and gently held is not some fluffy luxury. It’s a fundamental human need - no matter how old, capable, or ‘evolved’ we like to think we are.

We need somewhere to exhale. To be with folks who get us - not the mask, not the ‘got-it-together’ version - but the honest, ever-changing, messy, unfinished version that has A LOT of questions and confusion and contradictions.

And sometimes, that kind of holding doesn’t come from the people closest to us. Sometimes you have to sit with strangers.

For example, every year, I pay a good chunk of money and carve out time to sit with a group of strangers in complete silence for a week. Which deeply confuses my friends… “Why don’t you just be quiet at home?”

It's a valid Q. But here’s the thing: although we barely exchange words, somehow we see each other intimately. We already know the work it takes to feel at home in your own mind and body. The bravery to stay when it gets deeply uncomfortable. The inner freedom that comes from feeling everything. And we know it's a high value in our lives (otherwise we'd be on a beach somewhere, getting comfortably numb!)

We hold each other in the stillness - no words needed. And by the end of the week, I love every one of those souls.

Closer to home, I pay for a co-working space here in Bath, when I could so easily work from home in my stretchy pants and sunny kitchen table.

Why? Because like this week, I sat at a big wooden table with eight other creative women, all beavering away - with the odd laugh or quiet chat.

And when I felt stuck or distracted, I looked up and saw their focus, their willingness to pour themselves into the work they love.

Without saying a word, I felt fortified by their courage and presence. I remembered who I am and what matters.

And in recovery communities - where some folks don’t even share their names - I sit shoulder-to-shoulder with people who have fought the hardest battles and come home to a ‘self’ worth saving. We see each other’s hearts - strangers holding strangers.

We need each other, my love. Not always to ‘fix’ or advise - just to sit beside each other in the mud and the miracle of it all.

It’s not silly to pay good money for this. It’s wisdom. It’s how we grow and thrive.

So sweetheart, I ask you -

Where are you being truly seen and held right now?

Where do you go to let your guard down?

Who’s in your corner, reminding you who you are when you forget?

Be fierce and unrelenting about finding this kind of support - with the same devotion you’d pour into a beloved friend, or child or doggie daycare.

Your future self will thank you tenfold.

And if you don’t know where to look, think about folks who might be sharing the same season as you - similar questions, similar aches, similar hopes.

Maybe they’re right in front of you. Lucky you!

Cherish and nurture them.

Keep the soil healthy for growth - maybe even plant some new flowers.

Or maybe you need someone who’s not up close. Somewhere you can show up as your full, honest self - no role to play, no old stories to hold you back.

Spaces with strangers can be a hidden gift - a place to practise being brave, to try on new ways of being without expectation or obligation.

Sometimes, it’s the distance that gives us the courage to come home to ourselves.

I hope you find many places where you get to FLOURISH!! (Dont you just love that word!) You don’t have to do this alone. Please don't do this alone. I know I say that everytime, by my goodness, it's hard enough to human - to navigate all that's here and left undone: too much for one human heart to do alone.

Trust that you’re worthy of this. Seek it out. Invest in it. Hold it close. Because you my darling, deserve that kind of love and support.

Holding you gently-tightly, with all my love,Deborah 🌿

P.S. If your heart whispered ‘yes, more of this please’ - I have two gentle, soul-soothing gatherings next weekend where we’ll do just that. Come sit with us. You’re so welcome. PURE. WILD. SELF.  -  Saturday 12 July ** ONE SPOT LEFT **

If you need to unplug and rewild. A day of slow movement, nature, rest, play, swim, coach and connect - no pressure to have it all figured out.

SILENT RETREAT  -  Sunday 13 July.

If you're craving quiet and time to just BE with no agenda, no small talk, no to-do list  -  just space to hear your own quiet wisdom