I’ll admit, I have been and can still be, a terrible listener! “My name’s Deborah, and I’m a terrible listener”. There, I’ve said it. Phew, feels better already.
I’ve always been the one ready to offer advice, to share a podcast or a book that might be useful, or even a personal story as a way to find connection - anything that might help you by-pass the slightest bit of discomfort or struggle, that secretly makes me feel uncomfortable and powerless.
It's well intended, I promise it is. BUT I’ve been missing the point. My need to fix and offer advice unconsciously implies to the person bearing their heart that ‘whatever difficulty you’re going through isn’t ok, and we need to get you through this asap’.
Truthfully, most of the time, people don’t want my advice. They want me to listen and to hold and to sit with them while they're finding a way through their confusion, and exploring their own tender pain and struggles. At the deepest level, I’m not needed to be heard, but to be still enough to hear. Have you noticed ‘Listen’ and ‘Silent’ are spelt with the same letters? Think about that :)
This is what I’m trying to learn. To hear the voice that doesn’t use words. To become quieter so that I can hear and learn and understand more.
And when we turn this idea in on ourselves – well now, THAT’s a game-changer! Letting go of jumping in with finding solutions and fixing things for ourselves at the slightest bit of discomfort. And simply listening in to what wants to be heard, seen and allowed.
Hoping you find the space and courage to listen inward because you deserve loving ear
Deborah 💛