Drift and Return. Begin again.

To the woman who is well and truly off the wagon,

My love, this is a love letter to you as we draw to the end of the summer.

This season is such an interesting time, when we let our rhythms and routines losen a little, to make space for more freedom, spontaneity and time off – from work, from school timetables, heck from trying so darn hard all the time with all the things.

We love that feeling of ‘letting things go’ a bit.  Something in us needs that structural rebellion (I’m convinced it’s our inner teenager).

And YET, by the end of the summer, we can feel tired, frustrated and chaotic. And instead of seeing that as simply a signal ‘ok, I’m done’, we can give ourselves a hard time for falling out of the habits and practices we know keep us healthy and well.

I’ve put on 3lbs, I’m so angry at myself! How did I let myself so off track?

I've somehow reached the point where wine at 6pm and crisps for dinner feels like a routine.

My sleep is all over the place.

I haven't been on my yoga mat since July.

I did it again, took care of everyone else but me

I haven’t done half the ‘jobs’ I planned, gah!

Mine was doing more things in the evenings and even going out-out (gasp!) - which inevitably meant some later nights and later mornings. And you know how I feel about my beloved sleep routine.

It was fun. And also, I'm done 😊

My love, take a seat and pause with me for a moment.

You've had a season with less structure - perhaps more freedom, perhaps more chaos, probably a bit of both.

Let it be what it is, enjoy all it brought and appreciate all it taught you - before you turn your attention to this next season.

You’re allowed to say:

That was fun.

That wasn't fun.

I've had enough.

My body wants something different now.

Without any shame.

We don’t have to beat ourselves up to get back on track. Berating yourself into living a happier and healthier life will never work in the long term (please trust me on this)

Don’t give yourself permission to loosen up and feel freer – and then attack yourself for doing it.

Perhaps somewhere along the way you learned that being hard on yourself was how you improved, stayed on track, or earned your sense of being okay and belonging.

My invitation is to try something else. To love where you are right now, whatever happened or didn’t happen, and then begin again.

Not from shame or frustration, but simply because it’s the next loving thing to do.

My goodness, life is hard enough. We don't need to be our own drill sergeant.

Something I've watched again and again in the women I coach, is the woman making the deepest changes isn't the one who never fall back into old patterns.

She just gets MUCH better at catching herself and coming back quicker, without the story of “I've blown it” and then disappearing down a shame spiral for three weeks.

If ever there was self-compassion in action, it’s this.

What if progress isn't about never falling off the wagon, or back into old patterns - but becoming really bloody good at returning? Starting again, without the drama or self-hatred.

(Actually, I'm not sure I even like the wagon. It makes it sound like we're either ON + doing life properly, or OFF, careering into a ditch with a family-sized bag of crisps.)

Anyway. Whether it’s been a few days, weeks or months, don’t let it be a disaster.

Perhaps the question as summer draws to a close isn't "How do I get myself back on track?" Or worse "How did I let myself get here AGAIN?" ;)

I think it's much gentler than that:

What's one thing I know helps me feel like me, that I'm ready to come back to?

Not ten things. Not the full September overhaul involving a new morning routine, supplements, strength training, journalling and finally sorting out that crazy cupboard (I see you over-functioner!).

Just one thing.

Maybe it's going to bed when you're tired, getting back on your mat or walking without your phone.

Or cooking yourself something that actually resembles food, or even saying no to something because you've had enough (gasp!)

Whatever it is, let the return be an act of love rather than punishment. No catching up, no making amends for August, no earning your way back into your own good books.

Just begin again.

There's something incredibly hopeful about knowing we can do that. That we can drift and still trust ourselves to come back.

We can wander off, forget, get distracted. Spend six weeks eating beige food and wondering where our good intentions went. And still come home, again and again.

Maybe that's progress. Not never wandering off (good luck with that!), but learning how to come home to ourselves with love, rather than dragging ourselves back by the scruff of the neck.

Walking back with you, have a wonderful Bank Holiday weekend !

Deborah 💛 P.S. We’ve all got our ‘thing’. What’s the ONE thing you can’t wait to get back to? Hit reply and tell me. I’d genuinely love to know.