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Growing Down, Not Up!

Updated: Apr 7

Well hello, Spring! It's been a while. Seems we're in sync as I’ve been going through yet another growth spurt recently. Darn it, I thought this job was almost done! (Just for the record, I’d really appreciate it if someone could show me a timeline, so I can get my head around this wild and wonderfully barmy thing called life. Thanks)

I don’t know about you – I’m sure your growth spurts are really pretty and graceful – but mine, not so much! They tend to be messy, confusing and a little all over the place; never linear, more like two steps forward, then back, then forward again – a bit like the Hokey Cokey. It’s a joy!

The one I'm moving through right now has been taking a good while and comes with a special slither of struggle: THE WORST brain fog. And it seems it’s here to stay, for now at least. As someone who has prided myself, and even built a life on, having a sharp brain, being a quick and clear thinker with a great memory, it’s forcing me into spaces that feel deeply uncomfortable. I’m having to let go of many layers of identity - someone who’s super reliable, always delivers on promises, can simplify, explain and solve complex problems and never forgets a name or misses a beat. That woman has left the building!

And despite my creative strategies around this – stacks of notes and enough alarms to make your head spin – I quite often still forget things, make mistakes and have the concentration span of a goldfish. Sigh.

But in order to grow, we often have to put down something that has mattered to us. READ THAT AGAIN.

“In order to grow, we often have to put down something that has mattered to us.”

There is ALWAYS beauty in transitions – nature teaches us this every single day.  To grow, by its very nature, means there is something that has been useful that we are outgrowing. And as our old strategies for being ‘good’, or ‘enough’ ‘impressive’ or ‘successful’ (whatever any of that means) fall away, we’re offered a chance to cultivate something MUCH richer in its vacuum.

In my case, I get to practice saying sorry and try to put things right – a lot ! Making amends is a simple, yet enormous act of integrity that restores trust. And trust after all, is the soil that holds the roots of all relationships. I’m learning how to forgive myself quickly, which makes me more forgiving of others. To be more vulnerable, softer and more compassionate to how we all mess up ALL THE TIME. And most importantly – untangling myself from the tendrils of perfectionism and any lingering cultural belief that my worth is rooted in my performance.

Learning how to stay loyal to myself, to stay kind and light-hearted and love myself MORE in my forgetfulness, is worth a thousand ticks on a to do list.

If you’re going through a growth spurt right now (aka shit storm) and you catch yourself chasing after pieces of your old self that you felt have defined you, take a pause my love.  Sit and breathe a while. Maybe this is a time and space for something new to come through, a part of you that longs for something less effortful - less hustle, less performing and people-pleasing, Like in nature, those new green shoots are full of potential - for something beautiful to emerge.

I hope you’re done with growing up, and now have the chance to grown down into your roots, and wide - as wide as the sky. The more you do this, the lighter you’ll feel.  And lord knows, we could all do with feeling lighter.

I wish that for you SO MUCH!

See you in the fields or under the trees,

Go lightly, and always, ALWAYS with love

Deborah 💛 


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