Last week in class we reflected on what we’ve learned about ourselves during this past year. While 2020 was a M.F'ing whopper in terms of facing difficulty and challenge, it also presented us with a chance to dig deep and discover what we’re really made of and who we really are – the messy and the inexplicable beauty.
For sure there were times when we fell apart and didn’t show up as our best selves (picture Bridget Jones singing “All by Myself”), but I’m also betting there were times you surprised yourself – discovered an inner strength, a new courage or part of yourself you didn’t know was there.
It’s been nearly 4 months since I stepped down as a business owner, and so I've had time to reflect. Both running a business and then letting go is challenging, and yet I’ve been reflecting on the gifts this chapter in my life has given me -
- pulled me apart - brought me to my knees - cracked me open - shut me down - made me want to run away - exposed my weaknesses - amplified my strengths - challenged my integrity - called me out on my own bullshit - made me cringe when seeing my mistakes - taught me how to forgive myself and others - made me cry tears of joy - filled my heart and soul - forced me to really trust myself NO MATTER WHAT
It’s in the midst of immense change, we’re shown what really matters, who we are and where are hearts really lie. While it can be an uncomfortable process, it’s also a gift. I feel immensely grateful for every person and experience that challenged me - forced me to dig deeper, do some serious soul searching/soul facing and get clearer.
The pandemic pulled me off the momentum of my daily life and gave space for me to become quiet and confused for a while. To let thoughts and feelings that had been rumbling away in the dark, space to bubble to the surface. Ideas that were hugely inconvenient and too disruptive to contemplate before, were now getting airtime.
Sometimes we ignore those feelings because we’re so attached to who we think we are, should be or how others might feel. And so we carry on anyway, even though we feel a little sick or torn inside.
I’m guessing a bunch of things happened to you in this past year that helped you to get clearer on what you want and what you don’t want. Sometimes we look for signs to tell us what to do. Allow me to say that looking for a sign IS a sign.
If you’re so sad or scared or desperate that you’re asking for signs, it’s probably time to make some kind of change. Listening to your intuition simplifies everything. When we’re going against what we know in our hearts to be true for us, we’re also betraying ourselves. Sometimes the hard thing is the right thing.
Hoping you make space to uncover the gem from this past year, and to lean into this as you point your life in a direction that feels truer for you.